Over the last year and a half, we've learned a lot about remote workspaces and the dynamics of working from home. According to a recent study by Owl Labs, more than 4.7 million people currently work remotely at least half the time in the United States. They also found since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, people have increased virtual meetings by 50%.

While one of the main benefits of virtual meetings is convenience, we also have to remember the cons of virtual meetings: low personal contact.

Having one-on-one discussions is one of the many aspects that separates great managers from ineffective ones. Some of the most difficult conversations happen in the workplace, including growth, pay and benefits, salary, inappropriate behavior or work underperformance.

But since a large percent of the workforce is still working remotely, challenging conversations need to be held virtually. Difficult conversations are often uncomfortable and unpredictable, but also necessary.

3 Tips For Tough Conversations

Having the interpersonal business skills to address difficult conversations is invaluable as a professional in any industry or place of work. Here are three tips for having these challenging conversations.

Preparation Is Key

No matter the setting, preparation is the only aspect of difficult conversations over which you have control. Outside of preparing various arguments, there is little value in spending time worrying about the other side and their reaction, as you can't control the other person’s responses, emotions or feelings. 

Rather than worry, focus on what you can control. Plan ahead and think through the most likely direction the conversation will go (i.e. objections they might make, questions they may ask, etc.) and how you will respond to each. Consider writing all your responses down, so you can perfect your responses as you rehearse.

The best use of your prep time is to write a script for the conversation. This process starts with drafting out everything you want to say. Like in brainstorming, don’t spend too much time editing or adjusting, just get it all down.

After you jot down your script, take a step back and read it again with a fresh, but critical, eye. It even helps to walk away from the script and return a few hours later. Consider having someone you trust read it and play devil’s advocate. Finally, read it out loud to see how it all sounds.

Scripting your conversation and potential responses will make you feel more prepared for the conversation, increase your confidence, improve your strategy and ultimately make you more successful during difficult conversations.

The more familiar you become with difficult conversations and preparing your script, the easier it will be moving forward.

Not only is scripting and preparing cathartic, especially during the first stage of writing everything down, but it also helps keep your emotions in check. Remember, you can prepare for their emotional outbursts, but you can’t control them.

Establish a Foundation of Trust and Safety

While in a remote work environment, always address the situation privately (i.e. private Zoom or video chat) in the richest medium possible (e.g. try for a video call, avoid email). 

It's also key to have open communication. It can help you restore balance and avoid damaging your personal and workplace relationships, as being open and supportive of others helps you build trust and respect within your team and organization. 

Remember, as easy as it seems, don't have difficult conversations over the phone, email or an internal messaging system.

Now that you’ve scripted your argument, prepared responses to their rebuttals and set a time/date for a virtual one-on-one discussion, you're ready for the tough discussion.

Listen and Keep Perspective

Once you present your pre-planned points and/or discuss the issue at hand, be prepared to listen. The most important part of a difficult discussion is listening. If you’ve ever felt someone wasn't listening while you were talking, you understand why this is so critical.

Not listening can be damaging to relationships and prevent successful communication. To avoid this, employ active listening techniques to ensure the other individual you're not only listening but engaged with and understand what they have to say.

Don't multitask, just listen. Take notes. Give active feedback as you listen, including acknowledging what the other person has just said and repeating/ summarizing important statements. While you can hope for similar treatment as you respond, don’t expect it or be put off if it doesn’t happen.

Once both sides have had the opportunity to outline the issue at hand and discuss their perspective, it's time to come to an agreement or present a solution. Brainstorming together to reach a mutual solution can be helpful as it can lead to a collaborative result, but it's not always possible.

Whatever the solution, and however you get there, consider setting goals or implementing a plan. All too often a decision is made but the details are unclear so people don't follow through.

This method also allows you to avoid being pushy, yet still facilitate the action you need to get the result you want. Working together on a resolution shows the other party you care about their position and outcome.

A final practical and actionable piece of advice when entering difficult conversations is simply to keep perspective. Take a step back for a minute and think about how this conversation isn't as daunting in the grand scheme of things.

You'll have many tough conversations in your life - this likely won’t be the first … or last. And, use this perspective to communicate to the other party that you sympathize with their situation as well.

When you look back after years of professional and personal growth, you likely will have had tougher conversations, and possibly even will forget that this conversation took place at all. Keeping this kind of perspective may be a huge help in making this conversation seem much less intimidating.

Learning to use these conversation strategies is just the beginning. You must learn, with practice, when it is appropriate to implement certain tough conversation strategies versus when it's time to move on to a new tactic. It's crucial to consider all potential strategies in your efforts to maintain a peaceful, productive living and working environment.